A wee song from a man I am very honoured to call a friend, next time you watch Braveheart just think about Ted with a wee smile on your face.
An Australian came to town one day and he brought a film crew
Said, “ You’ve got a story here. I’ll tell you what I’ll do.
I’m gonna take this man called Wallace and I’m gonna spread his fame
And very soon the whole wide world will know your hero’s name.”
So he talked to the historians of battles that were won
And how that day at Stirling Bridge we made the English run
Then he talked to all his money men and it seems they had their way
‘cos they made the film in Ireland so now I’ve got to say
“Where’s the river Mel? Won’t you stand here with me?
Look down from Stirling Castle, tell me what’s that you see?
That’s a river Mel and it’s where it’s always been
So how come there’s no trace of it upon your silver screen”?
We fought hand to hand to save our land, it was hot and sweaty work
When the English come we bared our bums, we did not give a f………..oot.
Then we turned back to the water’s edge to wash off all the gore
But it’s hard to bathe in a river that ain’t there anymore
Well they called the film Braveheart and it was loads of fun
It wisnae much like history but at least we still won
Now the tourists come from o’er the world to gaze down on this place
But as they look out to the monument there’s surprise upon their face
Cos there’s a river Mel and its where it’s always been
So how come there’s no trace of it upon your silver screen
Aye that’s oor river Mel – the real battlescene,
where Wallace sent them homeward to think again
So if you ever get to thinking that Bannockburn could be a theme
Please remember Mel “burn” is Scottish for a stream.